I CANNOT stop doing stuff! I woke up this morning for the first time in months feeling excited! It actually took me about 15 minutes to work out what this feeling was!!! And yesterday, I tidied and tidied and ironed and cooked...what's happened to me?! Is it nesting? Is it the pills? I never got this when I was pregnant with Ella though I still have absolutely NO urge to get on my hands and knees and scrub the oven! So this morning I have been preparing for my weekend away and as I mentioned at the start I am very excited, to be going to see my nan, the new baby, Noel and Sam and also to be away on my own for the weekend. I have prepared everything in the simplest form so Rich doesn't have to struggle when he is looking after Ella. It's the first time he has had her on his own for a whole weekend. I will TRY not to worry too much after all he is very capable but I will obviously worry as any mum does when away from her little one! I have printed out some photos for my nan and the camera is charging in preparation for the pics I will take of Poppy tomorrow! How exciting!! Oh and last night I found out my cousin is pregnant again and expecting in October!! Who would believe it..3 new great grandchildren for my nan in one year. No consolation for losing grandad I know but something nice to focus on? I now know 4 people other than myself who are expecting babies or just had one! I definitely feel as though I am in the right business...lol Anyway..better stop gibbering on..more ironing awaits!
There is some good in human nature! Someone phoned this morning to say they had found my phone! I couldn't believe it! Rich is picking it up this morning and will try and get my sim unblocked this afternoon. I hope it works ok as it was probably in the rain for some time!
Rich is pissing me off but I am trying to stay calm and not making things into a bigger deal than they actually are but he really is such an arse sometimes. It took me ages to do the shopping yesterday and it was so uncomfortable and when he got home, he moaned at the amount I had spent and the seeming lack of food in the fridge! It's been the same every week for the past 3 weeks or so and there is only so much a pregnant, hormonal female suffering depression can take so I threw the receipt at him and told him he really can do it his fucking self next time...and what's more...I meant it!!! He had been for a drink after work with a friend and I don't know how he can become so obnoxious after a pint(was driving) but I went to bed at 9.30 just to get away from him!!!
He then has a go this morning because I ask about 'trivial' things and he has bigger more important things on his mind(which to be fair I had forgotten about) he may be selling some of his business today and has a very important meeting! Well, I can just about think to get washed and dressed lately and my memory and concentration levels are shit because of this damn depression. Anyway, he went off to pick up my phone and then to work feeling hard done by no doubt! Grrr...so why do I feel guilty? Oh yeah...coz I have depression. Silly me!
I have been an utter dipshit and have lost my phone...BUT..that's not the thing that's wound me up most....in the time it took me to get back from Asda, realise it was lost and phone Rich to let him know and my phone to see if I could find it some bugger had picked it up and it was actually ENGAGED!!! WTF!!!! Now I actually had home in the contact section and they hadn't phoned me here cos there was no message..so the sim has been cancelled and i have lost all my contacts!!! How irritating!! I was in such a good mood before because I get to go see my new neice this weekend but this has tarnished the rest of the afternoon. How am I going to survive without my god damn phone?!!
I am thrilled. We went and had a scan this morning at the early pregnancy unit because of the bleeding I had been experiencing. The baby was pictured bouncing around, quite literally and the heartbeat was nice and strong. There was no sign of where the bleeding had come from so we can now continue to enjoy this pregnancy!!
It has been a pretty hellish weekend and I am relieved to get back to normal though I will still be taking things very easily!!
So today was brilliant..AND THEN..I went to get my nails done and I arrived there and started bleeding! I was terrified and started crying and shaking. I went home and we had to go to A&E. I have another scan on Monday morning to check things out..it was just one episode so fingers crossed my poor little baked bean is ok. I won't be happy until I see it again on that monitor.
He never used to bloody snore so why has he started now?!!! Gggrrrr
Anyway, I have been up thousands of times in the night to pee anyway and the last time I woke up I was thirsty so I thought sod it, may as well go and make a cup of tea!
Yesterday was a fairly good day though I was very tired. We went to playgroup and then after her afternoon nap we went to Asda. Today Amy is picking me up and we are going to lunch with the girls (being Ella and Mia) and then meeting more mums from netmums at BHS! I am hoping to get a nail appointment in at some stage and I got to do some boring ironing and go through my maternity stuff. We only bagged it up a few months ago! It's pretty non-stop at the moment which I don't mind but I wish I could have a sleep in the day as I am already not sleeping properly at night. I doubt I will today because we will be out when Ella is due her nap and I can't sleep walking through Sutton though at times it does feel like I am asleep with my eyes open. Anyway this is sounding like babble to me, I put that down to being half asleep so I am off until I am more coherent!!
and hopefully back to normal! I am so tired! Ella had a lovely day and was totally spoilt ofcourse. I had a bit of a shock in the morning yesterday though. Richard called me upstairs and we saw hearses driving away from our neighbours(next door but one). I knew she had cancer but had no idea she had gotten worse. She sponsored me for my Race for Life event earlier in the summer. She was a really nice lady and I was very upset but I am going to make an extra donation today in her memory.
We went out to Hickory Dickory's for lunch and so Ella could have a little play and I cheered up. Sylvia would have wanted us to have a nice day.
This afternoon I have my scan! Eeekk..3.15pm..I have to go with a full bladder so I hope they don't keep me bloody waiting long!
Well..after Friday morning, the day actually got a bit better and I even managed to get out with Alfie for a walk!!
I am really tired today after yesterdays party antics, not that there were many antics to be had or people for that matter but everyone that was there seemed to enjoy it and Ella had a whale of a time which was the most important thing.
I managed to get through my reading just about though I did get a bit emotional (bleedin' hormones) I am surrounded by lovely new bright toys today (we let her have a few early, she has so many) I have bought some of her old toys away for the new baby cos Ella is no way interested in them now her new ones are on the scene. Her favourites are her Weebles and little pigs set..awwww!!!
Karl stayed the night and we have been out for lunch and now he is on his train back to Sheffied and I am chilling typing while Ella and Richard are sleeping. I think I am going to have an early night cos I am absolutely shattered and tomorrow is going to be another fun packed day with MORE new toys, a visit to the shops to get a bit of party food just for us and nanny and grandad Morrall to have a birthday tea! I would say that Tuesday everything will be back to normal but I then have my scan! EEEKKK! So now for a nice cup of tea and a well deserved rest!
I am so gloomy...I have been thinking too much again..OH NO..the worst thing someone like me can do. I am so moody and bitchy and short tempered currently. I should be getting excited about the party tomorrow but I am just nervous and worried. It's absolutely belting it down with rain, like that's going to stop me going out. There is no way I am staying in the mood I am in today. We are going to Hickory Dickorys later(soft playcentre for kids) that'll pass a couple of hours by.
I have decided I am now scared of having this baby. I am worried about the birth but mostly I am worried about coping with an 18 month old and a newborn. I suppose I will cope because what's the alternative?! I don't have much more to say..at least the tele is working today. I was in bed at 8pm last night reading I was so bored downstairs.
I can smell chips and vinegar from somewhere! Mmmmmmm